I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
