Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
