i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
