At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
