How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize