watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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