was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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