I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
