I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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