Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
