the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
