don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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