My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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