he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
