I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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