He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
