i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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