Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
