my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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