he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize