He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
