just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
