my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
