so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
