HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
