i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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