where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
