I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize