I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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