I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
