3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We need to get me chipped asap
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
