We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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