I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
