if i can run in heels then i can drive
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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