Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
