I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
