i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
