i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
