Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
