Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize