when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
