before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
