Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize