I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
