Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
