you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Pants are for mortals
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
