She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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