my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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