I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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