she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
