return my video game
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just found puke in my bra..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
