dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
