I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
