so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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