The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
