I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
