I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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