you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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