dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize