Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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