dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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