If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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