If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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