Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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