Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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