First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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