is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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