Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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