i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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