That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
