Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
