I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
