So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
