Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
