I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
