no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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