the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
