drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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