You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
