is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
