He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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