yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
