btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it hurts more in the daytime
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
