Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
