I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
