shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize