What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if only i could text you this smell
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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