I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
