Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize