I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
