hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
