I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
