Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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