I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
