no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Randomize
